7.03.2007

The woes of an introvert.

I'll probably delete this later. I'm just ranting to myself. about myself.

argh. I went to a party tonight. Very fun. Met lots of new people, some good conversation, some good laughs. Overall a good time. Problem is, it only took me about 2 or so hours to finally open up and talk to people. And as per usual, I got the "you look like you're not having fun. Aren't you having fun?" comment. ARGH. I really REALLY need to work on my social skills. I make myself so mad sometimes. I have such a hard time just opening up and talking to people I don't know or don't know well. I don't know why. It's like something just holds me back. I tell myself, in my head, to just walk up to people and start a conversation (really, that mental dialogue really does occur), but something just holds me back. Maybe it's fear? Of what, I'm not fully sure. But there's a definitely mental fence there. With barbed wire.

Why can't I just be that girl that can go up to anyone anywhere and just start a conversation??? Honestly. And I wouldn't normally consider myself shy, but really, I guess when I get down to it I am. I mean, I've got tons of friends, I am fully capable of holding conversations, cracking jokes.. but it's always with people I'm close to. Why can't I just break this damn shell and be that way with everyone??

I mean, I don't intentionally try to look like I'm not having fun. I am fully ok with not saying a word and in reality am having a great time. Unfortunately, this is not perceived as 'having fun.' I'm just tired of being told I look like I'm not having fun. I don't like being the 'No fun' girl. I DO have fun. Honestly. I do. Why can't I just convey that? I try to remember to smile (I sometimes forget to do that). And I laugh at people's jokes and make attempts to join conversation. I don't know. I just can't quite grasp the whole being social and outgoing bit.

Anyway. That's enough of me complaining about my inadequacies. It's just something I need to stop whining about and just work on. **sigh** I'm so frustrated with myself.

Yeah. I'll be deleting this tomorrow I'm sure.

5 comments:

kd said...

i'm the exact same way.
i'm totally cool if someone comes up to me and starts a convo...but if the inital communication depends on me, i'll keep my mouth shut.
i think it's because we're observers.
i like sitting back and watching and taking it all in, rather than trying too hard to be the center of it all. and i think that weirds some people out and they interpret it as not having fun.
but i have that same discussion with myself very often, and wish sometimes i could be a little more outgoing. it couldn't hurt to put myself out there a little more often. it's something i've been working on.

Anonymous said...

Introverts are absolutely vital to the social gathering dynamic. The extroverts talk and the introverts listen. If the world were full of extroverts, then everyone would be talking over everyone else, and then no one would hear anything.

You don't have a problem. You are playing your part of the social scene perfectly. The world requires introverts.

Anonymous said...

hey andy, thanks for the comment! it's much appreciated.

i've seen you commenting on my posts before.. are you from Nashville? Do I know you? Just curious.. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi, sorry I haven't really introduced myself.

I've been visiting Jenna's site for quite a while now. I stumbled upon her site while she was living in Knoxville. I knew that I was moving to the area soon, so I visited her site to get a heads up. Since she has a link to your site, I wandered over here a while ago. I'm originally from Nashville, so when I noticed that you are currently living in Nashville, I decided to comment occasionally. I live in Knoxville now, and I'm enjoying this part of Tennessee. In the past few years, I've moved all over this state.

Well, I apologize again for making random comments while not introducing myself.

Anonymous said...

Oh, no apologies necessary! I wa just curious :-)
Knoxville's fantastic! I had visited Jenna a couple times when she was living there and have been over once since moving down here. Lovely place!